Change My Relationship

What Is Causing the Epidemic of Parental Estrangement?

There is an epidemic of parental estrangement, but what are the causes? Your adult child refuses to have anything to do with you and doesn't let you see your grandchild. This is in spite of all the things you have done for your child and all the sacrifices you have made. You don't know the reason is and you can't get an answer. You are devastated. But you are also confused. How could this be happening? What could cause so many adult children to walk away from a relationship with their parents? Why aren't they aware of the hurt they are causing, and why don't they appear to care? Is it the parents' fault or is it the adult children's fault? There are many causes of this epidemic of parental estrangement. If you are one of the estranged parents, the adult children walking away, or anyone else who is dealing with this issue, you need to know what they are. 

Listen to this podcast to find out. #parentalestrangement #familydysfunction #grandparentsrights #narcissists #christianrelationshipadvice

 

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How to Protect and Support Children When Divorcing an Abuser

There are many reasons that it is difficult to divorce an abuser, but one of the most important is concern over how the children will be impacted. The fear can be enough to prevent abuse victims from taking the steps to move forward. It is for this reason that Tawni Carney and Karla Downing share personal and professional experience from their ministry with domestic abuse survivors on how to protect and support children when divorcing an abuser.

 

They identify common problems that arise with children and offer practical, heartfelt advice on how to deal with them. They cover questions such as how to respond to kids' anger and grief, how to handle visitation struggles, how to talk about the abuser, and more. They also offer suggestions for bringing God into children's lives as a source of strength.

 

Tawni and Karla's personal experiences in abusive marriages drive their passion to help people navigate and heal from abusive relationships. Their conversation is filled with helpful tips for anyone who has experienced abuse and/or interacts in any way with victims.

 

Tawni Carney is a single mother of three whose path blends creativity, ministry, and healing. After beginning her career designing swimwear for national retailers and launching her own children’s wear line, she went on to serve as a Children’s Pastor in Costa Mesa. For over 20 years, she has ministered to families throughout Orange County, California, offering support and hope. She founded Gang of Arrows, a life-skills program that grew to multiple studios, creating safe spaces where kids learn, create, and believe their “hands are made for good.”

 

Today, as the Executive Director of Eagles Wings Global. Tawni carries a message of deep faith in God's power to restore you and your children.

 

The mission of Eagles Wings is to bring hope and healing to survivors of domestic violence. They advocate, educate, and empower women and men to discover their true value and worth to break the cycle of abuse in their families. They provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support to those seeking freedom and restoration. Eagles Wings also desires to train churches and their staff to identify abuse victims and respond to them in a way that offers support rather than harm.

 

Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her messages, books, and classes provide practical solutions based on biblical truths that bring balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse.

#Christianmarriageadvice #Christianrelationshipadvice #Christiandivorcesupport #domesticviolencesurvivors #abusiverelationships #abusivemarriage #emotionalabuse #childabuse #EaglesWingsGlobal #karladowning

 

Resources

Eagles Wings Global is an organization that supports abused women and men. The website lists resources, which include in-person and Zoom "Love Does No Harm" groups. They also have a phone line to receive personal support. Tawni Carney can be reached through the website.  https://eagleswingsglobal.org

 

Love Does No Harm Workbook on Amazon https://amzn.to/4ryz4Y6

 

California Victims Compensation Fund https://victims.ca.gov/

 

Feelings Wheel for Adults and Teens https://www.socialworkerstoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/Free-Feelings-Wheel-Printable-PDF-Emotion-Wheel-Chart-for-Teens-Young-People-Adults.pdf

 

Feelings Wheel for Children https://www.catbears.com/images/social-stories/feelings-wheel/the-catbears-feelings-wheel.pdf

 

 

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Do You Have to Resolve the Past to Move Forward in a Dysfunctional Relationship?

Dysfunctional and toxic relationships have many relationship problems that go unresolved indefinitely. When evaluating how to resolve conflict, you need to consider whether there is a possibility of relationship healing, given the ability of both parties to discuss the issues. Many times, one person wants to resolve them, and the other does not. One person can listen to and understand the other, and the other cannot. One can take responsibility and be accountable for their choices, and the other can't.  

If you can resolve the past, it makes moving forward easier. But if you cannot resolve the past, is it better to let it go to move forward, or is it better to try to force conversations about the past that are likely not to get anywhere? You are the only one who can decide. It might be better to let it go, or it might be better to try to force a resolution. 

Watch this video to find out if you have to resolve the past to move forward in a dysfunctional relationship.       #dysfunctionalrelationship #christianrelationshipadvice  #relationshipproblems #toxicrelationships #relationshiphealing #conflictresolution

 

 

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Manipulative Promises

Emotional manipulators make promises and give you gifts to get you to do what they want. You need to recognize when these promises and gifts are being used to get you to give in to the manipulators demands.

 

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How to Help a Family Member with Mental Illness

It is difficult to have a family member with mental illness. There are some basic principles you can follow that will help you increase the chance of improved mental health. There are also things you can do that will make it worse. You need to know what to do and not do. You care about your family member with mental illness, but you also have to care about yourself and the rest of the family. Everyone matters. There needs to be a balance between the needs of the person struggling with mental health and everyone else. Learn how to do that. Watch this video to find out what you can do to help your family member with mental illness. #mentalhealth #familyproblems

 

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Love Should Never Do Harm and How the Church Gets It Wrong: An Interview With an Abuse Survivor

Tawni shares her story of survival in an abusive marriage and her healing journey after her decision to divorce. She and Karla discuss how the Church gets it wrong by responding to abuse victims in a way that often causes more pain. They identify common phrases that, sometimes unknowingly, twist Bible verses and lead to misunderstandings the right way to respond. The hidden message is often one that produces guilt and over-responsibility for the victim.

They also offer suggestions on how to support children in abusive marriages and through divorce. Tawni and Karla's personal experiences in abusive marriages drive their passion to help people navigate and heal from abusive relationships. Their conversation is filled with helpful tips for anyone who has experienced abuse and/or interacts in any way with victims.          

Tawni Carney is a single mother of three whose path blends creativity, ministry, and healing. After beginning her career designing swimwear for national retailers and launching her own children’s wear line, she went on to serve as a Children’s Pastor in Costa Mesa. For over 20 years, she has ministered to women throughout Orange County, California, offering support and hope. She founded Gang of Arrows, a life-skills program that grew to multiple studios, creating safe spaces where kids learn, create, and believe their “hands are made for good.”

Today, as the Acting Executive Director of Eagles Wings Global in Orange County, California, Tawni carries a message of deep faith in God's power to restore. The mission of Eagles Wings is to bring hope and healing to survivors of domestic violence. They advocate, educate, and empower women and men to discover their true value and worth to break the cycle of abuse in their families. They provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support to those seeking freedom and restoration. Eagles Wings also desires to train churches and their staff to identify abuse victims and respond to them in a way that offers support rather than harm.

 

Resources

Eagles Wings Global is an organization that supports abused women and men in Southern California. The website lists resources, which include in-person and Zoom "Love Does No Harm" groups. They also have a phone line to receive personal support. Tawni Carney can be reached through the website. 

https://eagleswingsglobal.org  

 

Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship

Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/yN1su0zUxYU

Dysfunctional Families: How to Manage Anxiety Over Others' Choices

In dysfunctional families, people do a lot of things that are unhealthy and destructive. Watching them causes anxiety because of the harm they can do to themselves, you, others, and the relationship. The obsession with changing them can be all-consuming if left unchecked. It can even make you physically and emotionally sick.

The solution is to manage anxiety over others' choices. There are things you can do that will make it easier. Your life doesn't have to be ruled by things outside your control, even when that is your dysfunctional family. 

Learning how to manage anxiety over others' choices will change your life by changing yourself. Watch the video to find out how to do it.

#dysfunctionalfamilies   #manageanxiety  #changeyourself

 

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Getting Mentally Ill People to Medicate

Getting mentally ill people to medicate is a frustrating experience. Yet, they have to in order to get better and be more independent. Watch this video to look at the real-life options you have.

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The Stigma of Mental Illness in the Church

Unfortunately, the stigma of mental illness in the church still exists in various ways. People hold misconceptions about the cause and treatment, which makes it harder for those struggling with mental health. Some of these misconceptions can cause actual harm because they prevent people from speaking up and from getting the treatment they need. 

It is important to understand scriptural truth about what causes mental illness and what is required to treat it. Whether you struggle with mental illness yourself or you encounter people struggling with it, knowing how to correct the misconceptions and biases rather than perpetuating them will bring hope and healing. Watch this video on the stigma of mental illness in the church.  #mentalhealth #scripturaltruth 

Resources:
Grace Alliance offers mental health resources and groups in the church: https://mentalhealthgracealliance.org/ 

National Alliance of Mental Illness offers information and support groups: Nami.org

 

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Interview: Understanding the Maze of Confusion in Your Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Have you ever felt lost in conversations where resolution seems out of reach? Have you wondered why every attempt you make to explain is met with roadblocks that leave you even more frustrated? If so, you might be encountering what Annette Oltmans of The Mend Project calls "The Maze of Confusion." 

The Maze of Confusion is a strategy used by emotional abusers to derail genuine communication. By weaving a complex web of distractions and dead ends, they prevent meaningful dialogue, leaving their partners overwhelmed and disoriented. Instead of engaging in healthy conversations, these tactics create barriers to understanding and resolution, leading to increased confusion and emotional pain.
 
In this conversation, Annette and Karla talk about the tactics used to block communication in emotionally abusive relationships from their own experience and from their work with thousands of abuse victims and survivors. Their conversation contrasts unhealthy tactics that prevent resolution with the characteristics of healthy communication that foster understanding and resolution.
 
This podcast is packed with helpful information that empowers abuse victims and abuse survivors. They need labels for the tactics that are used to control them. They need to understand the motives that drive the abuser's behavior. They need validation to counter the gaslighting and invalidation.   
 
Understanding and navigating this maze can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Annette is the founder of The Mend Project, an organization that seeks to educate, equip, and restore all who are impacted by emotional abuse and train those who interface with them personally or professionally. Please take a moment to review their resources.
#confusion  #emotionalabuse  #emotionalabusesurvivor #domesticviolencesurvivors 
 
Resources and Links:
  
The MEND Project - https://themendproject.com/
 
Find Clarity and Healing Course - https://themendproject.com/find-clarity-and-healing-course/
 
"My Journey Through Double Abuse" - interview of Annette Oltmans' story. https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-a4tmz-1004118
 
"I Was a Covert Emotional Abuser" - Interview of Bucky Oltmans' story  https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-ebkpt-107fd04
 
Maze of Confusion, Terms and Definitions and Other Free Resources from The MEND Project - https://themendproject.com/resources/
 
Karla Downing's Classes - https://www.changemyrelationship.com/current-and-upcoming-classes/

 

 

Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/
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